eupraxia

This is definitely part of it, parking is pretty hard to find in a lot of downtown. Depending on where you are, traffic can be really bad too, especially over some of the bridges. It’s a very hilly, coastal city limited by its geography in some ways. this video’s a cool explainer on it. The city only has flat land because it burnt down, was regraded, and built back up on top of the old city.

Seattle also just has a pretty good public light rail and bus system. It’s not perfect, but in places where coverage is good it’s great. The city should be leaning into it more, but it’s also very possible to move here and get by without a car. I also suspect (just from my own observation) more people move to Seattle who don’t own a car in the first place.

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?

This tracks for how a lot of people use the app, but depending on where you are you can also have some fairly normal (for a dating site) conversations with people as well. I spent a couple months on Grindr despite not being interested in hookups, since it’s a decent way to meet other trans folk in my area. My inbox was mostly dick pics but I also met some amazing people I’m still with several years later!

forreal, people have such low opinion of what kids can understand (because they think kids have all their own same biases automatically)

My partner teaches preschool, sometimes the kids ask her if she’s a boy. She says she used to be but she’s a girl now, the kids say “ohhh” and immediately move on. It only ever gets weird and confusing for the kids when the parents feel the need to argue that point.

It’s a culture issue, it takes time and advocacy to improve…

It’s true! And one of the most effective forms of advocacy for this sort of thing is integration. Being in public spaces, doing the same things cis people do, respecting norms that ensure everyone’s safety there, is one of the most direct ways for us to be understood as pretty much like anyone else. Not an exception, but a peer and an equal member of a community. If you construct spaces to protect people from being uncomfortable at our mere presence, you deprive them of the exact experience that is most effective at alleviating their concerns.

“Bullshit” is shorthand for “bigoted, based on inaccurate assumptions, and very possible to overcome with exposure to the group these opinions are targeted at.” I say this with love and respect for my younger self that held many of the same “bullshit” opinions. And a mild frustration and willingness to draw clear lines in the sand now that I know better. Thanks for hearing me out while I vent a bit regardless. ✌️

I understand there’s no solution here that doesn’t result in discomfort for someone, it will always be a balance, but I’m pretty opposed to declaring spaces off limits for trans people for cis people’s comfort. That does nothing but push the discomfort off into the future and deny us access to public spaces simply due to the fact that people don’t feel like seeing our bodies. Would it be appropriate to enforce acceptable BMI ranges, or require patrons to have all their limbs, or require them to have a particular skin color? All these things make some uncomfortable too, for bullshit reasons, and we wouldn’t allow for discrimination on those grounds - why are trans bodies the exception?

Not going after you in particular, this is a pretty common hangup. But it just irks me given that going to a spa every now and then is extremely important to my health due to chronic pain. If this was the norm for spas within reasonable distance of me, I’d have nowhere to go to meet that need. Denying services in this manner is not trivial or harmless.

I guess I’m of the mind that if you’re showing up to be nude in a spa around other nude people, does it actually tangibly matter which genitals are present, so long as all other norms of the space are respected? Bodies are just bodies. The rules of engagement (read: “don’t”) are still the same. Trans women are not coming into women’s spaces to harass cis women, in fact we’re a lot more likely to be harassed ourselves if we’re required to use mens-only facilities instead.

This is a spa in with locations in Tacoma/Lynnwood WA, relatively near there is a nude beach that seems to handle this just fine.

I mean, are trans people who haven’t had bottom surgery not supposed to use gender-separated locker rooms? Which one should we use? I go to a spa where I can change in the women’s locker room and it’s just very normal. I’m not concerning anyone with my dick and nobody’s concerning themselves with mine. Granted, it seems patrons of this spa remain nude while using the facilities, but it’s still a comparable example. If harassment / unwanted sexual advances are one’s concern, then unfortunately that is just possible anyway and needs to be mitigated regardless of genital configuration. They could at least let her wear a swim skirt or something y’know?

I feel there’s some parallels here with fat shaming. (and addiction shaming in general) People exposed to judgemental attitudes about their weight are measurably more likely to become obese, no matter their initial weight. Shaming can make one more fixated on their desire for food, and when that desire is in the front of one’s mind, it raises the psychological effort required to resist the urge for comfort in food. That effort is not infinite and will eventually run out, which is why white-knuckling through a diet tends to not lead to permanent results.

Misinformed sex education teaches us to feel shame for sexual urges most everyone has, and in a similar capacity could make one more fixated on that urge. If one instead has a positive view toward their sexuality, they do not have to cope with insecurities that remind them of temptation toward something they’re not supposed to do but would be immensely pleasurable. They just do it from time to time and it doesn’t bleed into the rest of their life.

idk a bit personal but, I find accepting all parts of my sexuality (especially the parts that make me feel icky) has made me much less prone to risky behavior. shame makes it difficult to make good decisions. I’m a lot more clearheaded now and can just enjoy physical affection with someone I love. I can communicate what I’d enjoy and set appropriate boundaries. fantasy and reality are more well separated now. importantly, I am more satisfied at a baseline and therefore seeking out sex less on the whole.

Body and sex positivity works extremely well as a means of coping with primal urges, not only because it makes us feel better about parts of us that will never go away, but also because accepting them actually leads to better self-control and decisionmaking.

in fact they come from the same Latin roots! “trans-” = “on the other side of”, “cis-” = “on the same side of.” Useful to know as some will use the word “transgender” and take offense to being labeled “cisgender” - if one word is valid, they both are.

bark-to-text, of course!