Technician A: “Here’s where the infant went through the windshield. Three points.”

Technician B: "The teenager’s braces around the backseat ashtray would make a good “anti-smoking” ad.

Technician A: "The father must’ve been huge. See how the fat burnt into the driver’s seat with his polyester shirt? Very “modern art.”

“Thank you sir, may I have another!”

Carlin’s 2 Commandments:

Always be honest and faithful to the provider of thine nookie.

Try real fuckin’ hard to not kill anyone unless they worship another invisible man than you.

A fellow connoisseur of the arts.

Are we not still doing “phrasing”?!

Fuck. I weep for the species.

“Mr President, i still need a quote.”

“Don’t let them kill me…!”

“That’ll do.”

BANG

The cockroaches scatter when a light turns on? Color me shocked.

How? Vlad gonna throw them…?

Sawed-off can’t elope.

Putin said that about Trump last week. Obviously it stung, because he’s saying the same thing about Musk today.

Excuse me, all shoppers: cripple fight. I say again: cripple fight.

“I just wanna tear him down, chop him up, and make guac-a-mole.”

Duh. Line MUST GO UP.

Russia: it was caused by one individual smoking. Nothing to see here. Move along.

That’s one lazy loch ness monsta.

Lying sacks of fetid shit lie continually. More at 11.

That name sounds brown. Off to CECOT.

Ah.

Witnesses in Boulder said the suspect, Mohammed Sabry Soliman, 45, yelled “Free Palestine” and used a makeshift flamethrower and incendiary devices.

Got yer propaganda wires crossed there, bud.