You joke, but GPT comes up with some bangers for UK politicians…

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UK Politicians Trading Card Game

A satirical take on British politics, styled like a mix between trading cards and Cards Against Humanity.

John Prescott – Trading Card

Card Title: “Two Jags, One Punch”
Type: Labour Tank

• Power: 9/10
• Charisma: 5/10
• Policy Success: 6/10
• Scandal Factor: 7/10
• Verbal Clarity: 2/10

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Special Ability: “The Left Hook of Justice”

Once per game, if an opponent plays a hostile media card, Prescott may respond with a Swift Uppercut, instantly negating the attack and leaving journalists dazed.

Quote:

“The Green Belt is a Labour initiative and we intend to build on it.”

Flavour Text:
A heavyweight in both politics and physical altercations, Prescott served as Tony Blair’s deputy and made headlines for his blunt approach to diplomacy—particularly when it involved egg-wielding protesters. He was famous for his commitment to public transport… while owning two Jaguars. :::

Tony Blair – Trading Card

Card Title: “Cool Britannia’s War Criminal”
Type: Labour Messiah (Corrupted Form)

• Power: 8/10
• Charisma: 10/10
• Policy Success: 9/10
• Scandal Factor: 9/10
• Trustworthiness: -3/10

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Special Ability: “Weapons of Mass Distraction”

If an opponent plays a Bad Press or Public Inquiry card, Blair may redirect all attention onto a vague existential threat, completely avoiding consequences for one turn.

Quote:

"Look, what we have to understand is… (proceeds to dodge the question for 15 minutes)"

Flavour Text:
Once hailed as the saviour of the Labour Party, Blair modernised Britain with a grin, a soundbite, and a suspiciously close friendship with George W. Bush. His legacy is a cocktail of public service reforms, spin-doctoring, and a certain little invasion that we swear was justified at the time.

David Cameron – Trading Card

Card Title: “The Pig Whisperer”
Type: Tory Toff

• Power: 6/10
• Charisma: 7/10
• Policy Success: 5/10
• Scandal Factor: 8/10
• Competence: 4/10

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Special Ability: “Referendumb”

If Cameron is forced into a difficult decision, he may trigger a National Vote, shifting responsibility onto the public. However, if the outcome is catastrophic, Cameron immediately Resigns to a Nice Cottage in the Cotswolds.

Quote:

“We’re all in this together—well, apart from my friends in the City.”

Flavour Text:
The man who gave the UK its most chaotic decade since World War II, Cameron’s legacy is austerity, that referendum, and that alleged incident with a pig. Thought he could handle populism—turns out he couldn’t even handle Boris Johnson.

It’s horrible, I love it

claps back

slams

blasts

The sooner this kind of phraseology disappears from media the better. Any outlet using it has become a clickbait shitrag.

I just treat their letters as scrap paper or kindling. They are very carefully worded to give the illusion of power where there is practically none. Capita are masters in mismanagement, so I’m not surprised your declarations have been ignored in the past. Just don’t bother.

If you’re truly not doing anything required to have a licence, then they can’t prove you do. Licence dodgers are usually clever enough to not give it away too.

Don’t answer the door to them on the rare off chance they come prospectively calling. If you do, just close it on the scum without a word, and go about your day. No warrant = no entry.

Sounds like a good way for Mr Pirate Fire Stick Man to sell more of his £50/year IPTV packages.

It’s already easy enough for the average joe to do this. Having the BBC double-dip their Netflix sub may well be the push that has them cancel subs & go ‘elsewhere’.

If we want a public broadcaster, it should be recognised as a national service and funded directly through tax. Unfortunately, that would put a lot of Crapita licence fee collector dogs out of a job and we simply can’t have that(!).

Just look at the crap you get shoved through your door if you decide not to play their game: http://www.bbctvlicence.com/

Before anyone mentions that you can submit a ‘no licence needed’ declaration - they’ve got no business even knowing my name, let alone my media choices.